Have you ever reached a point where life as you knew it seemed to fall apart completely? You may have lost a relationship, a job, a home, your sense of direction — or perhaps nothing obvious has happened at all, yet deep inside you know that the person you were and the life you were living no longer fit. From a spiritual perspective, this profound period of inner upheaval is sometimes described as a Dark Night of the Soul.
In This Article
What Is a Dark Night? | What It Feels Like | My Dark Night | The Cocoon | Signs & Guidance | Emerging Again | When to Seek Help
What Is a Dark Night of the Soul?
A Dark Night of the Soul can feel as though life as you know it has crashed completely. It may follow the loss of a relationship, a job, a home, your identity or the life you thought you were going to have. Sometimes it seems to come out of nowhere.
From my spiritual perspective, it is more than simply feeling sad or lost. It can feel as though the old version of you is breaking down because something much deeper is changing within you.
I have often described it as a breakthrough rather than a breakdown — although when you are actually living through it, there may be absolutely nothing that feels like a breakthrough at the time.
What It Feels Like
For me, the Dark Night of the Soul was one of the darkest periods of my life. I felt completely alone, disconnected from the person I had been and unable to imagine what my life was supposed to look like next.
It can feel as though everything familiar has fallen away at once. Your identity, your direction, your confidence and even your sense of belonging can disappear with it.
You may look completely normal to other people while inside you feel as though you are barely holding yourself together.
That is one of the hardest parts — so much of it is happening where nobody else can see it.
My Dark Night
My own Dark Night did not come from one single thing. It came after years of loss, grief and trying to keep going when, underneath it all, I was no longer coping.
After my marriage ended, I left Perth and returned to South Australia. In a relatively short space of time, I was no longer a wife, no longer living near my children, no longer in my familiar home, job or business, and I felt as though almost every part of the person I had been had disappeared.
I was incredibly lonely. I cried every day. I felt like a burden and eventually reached a point where I tried to take my own life.
I don’t share the details of that attempt. They are not important to this story. What matters is that I survived — and that what happened afterwards slowly taught me that my life was not over, even though at the time I genuinely believed it was.
The Cocoon
Looking back now, I can see that my caravan became my cocoon.
I travelled with it behind me while I was trying to work out who I was without the life I had left behind. It gave me somewhere safe to retreat to while everything inside me was changing.
I often think of the caterpillar at this stage. It doesn’t enter the cocoon knowing what it will feel like to become a butterfly. It simply reaches the point where the old way of being can no longer continue.
And perhaps that is what happens to us too.
The cocoon can look like nothing is happening from the outside, yet inside, an enormous transformation is taking place.
Signs & Guidance
Even in the middle of my Dark Night, my Team never stopped trying to guide me.
One day, while I was towing my caravan through New South Wales and seriously thinking about turning around and giving up, Opa told me to keep going. Not long afterwards, he directed me into a street in West Wyalong and told me to get out of the car and look up.
The street was called Perseverance Street.
Later, in Forbes, he stopped me again — this time at the corner of Albert Street and Gap Street — and reminded me that perhaps I was simply taking a GAP year and needed to lighten up and allow myself to experience the life that was unfolding.
Those moments didn’t instantly take away what I was feeling, but they reminded me that I was not completely alone and that there were still signs along the way encouraging me to keep moving forward.
Emerging Again
Emerging from my Dark Night didn’t happen overnight. There was no morning when I suddenly woke up and everything was fixed.
Very early one morning while I was staying at Anna Bay, Opa said something to me that I have never forgotten:
“Lieve meisje, no one is coming to rescue you. You need to rescue yourself.”
He told me that helping other people would also help me heal. Around that time I began doing more Readings, including free live Readings on Facebook. Little by little, helping other people understand their own lives began helping me understand mine.
I also found healing on the water. When I eventually reached Port Stephens, I joined the local sailing club and sailing became one of my safe places — somewhere I could breathe, feel connected and begin to enjoy being alive again.
Weeks passed and I started to smile.
Looking back, I can see that I had grown through what I had gone through. Slowly, I began to trust my new wings.
The caterpillar had not disappeared.
She had emerged as a butterfly.
When to Seek Help
A Dark Night of the Soul is a spiritual way of understanding a profound period of change, but it is important not to assume that every experience of deep sadness, hopelessness, exhaustion or suicidal thoughts is spiritual in nature.
If you are struggling to function, feeling persistently depressed, thinking about harming yourself or feeling that you no longer want to be here, please seek professional support. A General Practitioner or qualified mental health professional can help you work through what you are experiencing. If you are in immediate danger, call Triple Zero (000). Lifeline is also available 24 hours a day on 13 11 14.
If you feel you would also benefit from understanding what you are experiencing from a spiritual or Soul perspective, you are welcome to explore my Psychic and Spiritual Readings. A Reading can offer guidance, clarity and another way of looking at what may be happening in your life, alongside any professional support you may need.
Seeking help does not take anything away from your spirituality. You can care for your Mind and your Soul at the same time.
Continue Your Spiritual Journey
If you’re feeling caught between the life you had and the person you are becoming, you may also find Do You Feel Lost – Or Are You Slowly Starting to Feel Found? helpful.
If you’d like to explore the Dark Night of the Soul and spiritual transformation more deeply, you may also enjoy my book Wired Not Weird, where I share more of my own experiences, Soul lessons, Signs and the journey of finding your way through profound change.
If you feel you would benefit from personal guidance and clarity about what you are experiencing, you can also explore my Psychic and Spiritual Readings.
Explore more about spiritual awakening, Soul growth and everyday spiritual awareness in my Practical Spirituality cornerstone article.
Updated 15 August 2026